Chatter during work

Humour, which we share day by day, is an indispensable part of a pleasant work atmosphere...

1. While distributing work...

Before a LED-wall tour abroad:
- You are going to take European light to the darkness of the Balkans...
- And I hope to bring it back, too!

Show me the projector in the most corner, will you?

- Where are we supposed to go tomorrow?
- By 9 o'clock.

Be there by half past three, because you can't whatsit (...that is, assemble) after four.

No problem! We'll shoot it face to face from behind. (...now, are we going to project from the front or from the back?)

- What are you doing here?
- We are performing a work-related activity.

I'll find a cameraman who is weatherproof...

2. Telephone conversation with a customer

An accurate description of the size of the screen by one of our colleagues:
- It is a medium size gigantic screen.

We don't ask for a deposit, but if anything happens to the machine I'll leave an orphan behind. (...because there is something called job responsibility...)

You see, April and May are the same for us as Wimbledon is for strawberry salesmen.

I'll call you back later, because at the moment we are businessing about the screen business.

Now, the discount rack rate will be... (...now, is it discount rate or rack rate?)

3. Workers' blunders during work

We've had another big ladleful from the bottle of humour!

I'm just processing the visitors. (After an exhibition.)

I'm so good that I'm being copied.

I've had a call from TV2, saying that they want a small projector, a small screen and a small man.

For whom the office is second home:
- What time would you like to leave from home?
- I'd like to remind you that I don't live here in the office.

On the arrival of a new colleague:
I'm glad we have multiplied with such a pretty and young colleague.

If this picture weren't so blurred one might think it was in focus.

How creased this paper is! Was it delivered by a dog?

'Has anyone ever died of an aching hand?'
'No, so you will be quite a spectacle! (This is why one shouldn't complain at work!)'

I'm losing my hair preventively in order to avoid greying.
I know that you are not abnormally helpful.

Now, I'll go and smell my share. (Of the jointly owned flower.)

'My ear's ringing.'
'Then answer it.'

I'm completely pooped.

I've written the Internet! (That is, the text of the company website.)

Life is a dynamic thing.

In a minute I'm going to call myself Mr Efficient.

It is so dark! Or is it just me?

Keyboard into the keyboard hole, mouse into the mouse hole... (Female mentality at assembly)

Write it quickly, otherwise I'll forget what I've written. (While dictating.)

Shut the window, will you, as you're on your feet anyway.

I was woken up by somebody barking from my throat. (During the flu season.)

After a concert:
Sorry, but I can't hear very well, because my ears are blocked up with music.

Can you smuggle a beam of light into my dull brain?

Preparing a price offer:
The reason why it is difficult to calculate is that it is not so simple.

I'm very apprehanxious.

How old is the age difference?

Don't sing. Dance instead, we can bear the dust better.

I'm absolutely incompatible in this field.

Dialogue with the boss:
'Let me just say one sentence!'
'That was it...'

There are some bugs flying around here. Or have I perhaps gone mad?!